it wouldnt have fit
by destructoxgirl
Summary: barry & oliver return kara home after the tragedy on earth x.


Barry Allan - 'The Flash' - Earth 1

In his arms, she seemed inexplicably small - almost _weightless_.

He knew that wasn't possible, of course. Knew the science behind it. His education and experience was such that he could not ignore the nagging in his mind, the understanding of what was happening to the lifeless form he held in his hands. And yet, he still marvelled at the feeling.

Maybe it had something to do with her physiology. Or perhaps more likely, it was because she had always seemed larger than life. Yes, she was nearly invincible and possessed an immeasurable amount of strength. In life, she had been an alien with extraordinary powers. But that wasn't it, or at least - that wasn't all. It was remarkable but that was _Supergirl_ \- all billowing red cape and grandeur.

But it had been her - _Kara_ \- that had really been something special. Vibrant with life despite unfathomable loss. Her arrival had always filled him with strength and the most curious sense of hope. He was a man who had endured more than his fair share of tragedy. Yet, still he struggled to make the right choices, to remain true to his heart and his beliefs, despite the parts that had been carved out by grief But whenever he stumbled, or lost his way, he had always thought of her. She, who had watched her planet implode, escaping narrowly as everyone and everything she loved burned and turned to ash beneath her.

She did not let the weight of her loss dictate her choices or harden her heart. She remained hopeful and kind. She believed in the good in everyone - believed with such conviction and love that it was almost as though she willed them to be better and to do better. She inspired everyone she met and filled them with light and a guiding sense of purpose. So, maybe it wasn't any wonder that her death had left a hole in his heart that he couldn't reconcile with the broken body of his friend that he held in his trembling hands.

Beside him, Oliver nodded to Cisco and in an instant, the breach filled the room in front of them. They stepped forward in unison - though, Barry noted, he did not dare to touch her. Perhaps hoping near proximity would lend her the strength she needed to continue forward into her uncertain fate - a world without her sister. Oliver simply stepped through the breach, as if knowing somehow that his steady footsteps would challenge Alex to match him and bolster her through.

And almost as suddenly as she had been taken, it was just them. Standing on the precipice of this gateway between dimensions - otherwise known as the line in the sand between _before_ and _after_. He found himself terrified - rooted to the spot, unsure of the fate of her earth, of the reaction of her closest friends - unsure of anything but that this would prove to be the single most difficult thing he had ever done. He took a shaky breath, gathering his strength and committing the sound of her infectious, _goofy, _joy filled laugh to memory. The last thing he heard as he entered the breach was his wife, _Iris- _always the wind that urged him forward, whispering goodbye.

Mon-El - 'Valor' - Earth 38

All these years later, the sight of a disruption still filled him with dread.

It wasn't really surprising, given that it had been a circular tear in the dimensional fabric of time that had carried him away from the love of his life and towards a future he was nowhere near prepared for. Still, for days he had been steeling himself, expecting them to return from the wedding of Barry and Iris by this method. Hoping he would not show his fear and surprise as they returned to the DEO. Hoping to maintain the steely wall he had erected to protect her and also, if he was only willing to admit it, his heart.

And yet, nothing could have prepared him for the moment that the blinding portal expanded in the open space between the control room and balcony of the DEO, inexplicably calling to memory the moment he pulled away from his wife and saw, beneath brilliant eyes, the moment that her heart broke. He shook his head, willing away the memory, unaware that forever etched in his mind in just a few short seconds would be the memory of something so much worse.

Alex hit the floor first, her face drawn and quartered with pain - a tall man beside her, shoulders tight with confined grief. Mon-El did not recognize him, though he made the leap deduced in part by the lethal looking bow and arrow sheathed on his back, that this was Oliver Queen. _The Green Arrow_, as Kara had called him, the last time she had descended from the portal between earths, so many years ago now. Then, she had been buoyant with victory, so filled with love and camaraderie that she floated around for days - regaling them all with tales of dominators, of time travelling space ships and the extraordinary powers and abilities of her team mates. At the time, it had all seemed so far way to him. So impossible and unattainable. Truth be told, he had been a little bit jealous. But now - 7 years separated from the man that had secretly wished to be included - he was no stranger to time travel, nor the sacrifices and victories of a team of super heroes. And yet, despite all he had achieved, inexplicably he found himself wishing he could return to the man he was on that day. The man who got to hold her and love her, so brilliant and filled with life. Dread washed over him like a wave, and somehow, intuitively, _he_ _knew_. Knew what was coming - knew if only because despite the shimmering luminescence of the inter-dimensional portal and the chatter of the DEO, the world somehow seemed so much darker.

And then, as if he had summoned her with the fear that bubbled from somewhere deep and unbidden in his heart, he _saw_ her - cradled like the most precious of gifts, in the arms of a man he _did_ recognize. The sight took his breath away, reminiscent of the pain and uncertainty that filled his heart as all those years ago. _Then_, he had been the one to heft her weight and carry her through the breach to the man clad all in red leather, begging for help. _Then_, Barry Allan had leapt into action with his trademark speed, dawned his cowl and sped off to fight for his friend. _Now_, it lay abandoned across his shoulders, only serving to showcase the despair that filled his heart and welled up in his eyes.

The silence that filled the air was thick and viscous, as if all assembled were terrified to be the first to speak and solidify this nightmare into a reality. Finally, J'onn stepped forward, extending a shaking hand to Alex as if she were a wounded animal ready to strike. Instead, she reached towards him like a lifeline, enveloping herself in his embrace as she began to sob in earnest.

Oliver lowered his hood slowly, casting a wary eye towards the raised weapons aimed in their direction. He waited stoically, allowing them this moment. When he spoke, his voice was the steady, methodical voice of a soldier and yet, Mon-El could see fury in his eyes, a rage ignited by grief and guilt.

" They attacked us at the wedding. An army of Nazi's from another earth… enemies who wore our faces-… " Oliver faltered, his voice fading to a growl and his eyes glistening as he willed himself to carry on. " Kara-… the other Kara-… "

His voice broke. He bowed his head, trying to disguise the emotion welling up in his eyes. Oliver shook his head slowly, steeling himself.

" She was _vile_, greedy and power hungry... she had poisoned herself with too much solar radiation. they needed the heart of a Kryptonian to save her… they had been watching you all for months... "

Behind him, Imra gasped, so softly it was almost inaudible. An exclamation of surprise that only he could understand. This was an alteration of the timeline. A shock wave caused by their return. A change in the history that he had studied so dutifully in the years that separated them, as if reading about her and staring at her pictures could possibly compare to being a part of her life. His fists balled at his sides, finger nails cutting into his palms as he tried to steady himself as Oliver continued on.

" We-... well, Barry-... he demanded. He hasn't let her go since we found her-... we knew we had to bring her home. "

Oliver bowed his head, finished - as if he knew in his heart that there was nothing else to say. In his peripherals, Mon-El noticed Barry had begun to walk in his direction, holding Kara's body out between them like an offering. One he did not feel worthy of accepting - _had_ _never_ _been_ _worthy_ _of_ \- and yet, out of instinct, he reached for her like the only home he had ever known. When he felt the weight of her lithe body against his, after all this time and all these years, his knees buckled and together, they fell to the floor. Mon-El, his dead love and Barry, her _super_ friend, who did not seem capable of letting her go.

Mon-El cradled Kara in his arms and studied her intently, feeling the coolness of her skin, trying desperately to ignore the stiffness of her limbs. And yet, as he pulled her in towards him, in the place he had once wished she would always be, he noticed it. The thick staining of red against those inexplicable blue scrubs. The crater in her chest, jagged and vile, where the part Mon-El had loved most had once lived. He felt the bile rising in his throat. He could hear the gasps and cries of those assembled, Alex's mournful sobs ringing in his ears.

" I made sure they couldn't use it. " Barry interjected, sounding much like a child, apologizing for his wrongs. He caught Mon-El's gaze and held it, searching his eyes imploringly, as if trying to relay his sorrow and guilt. Beseeching him to understand. " It didn't belong to them. " He stammered on, reaching out his shaking red gloved hand and brushing the hair out of her eyes, revealing inadvertently to Mon-El those brilliant comet eyes, staring emptily back at him. " It would never have _fit_. "

And with that, Mon-El felt the world began to fade away, as he bowed his head to her chest and began to cry hot, bitter tears that burned his skin. Furious that after all this time, he could finally hold her - this woman he had dreamed of every night for years. The one woman he had burned for, every night, a million light years away. But this, he realized with a horror that had already begun to scrape away at his insides and hollow out his heart, was not the culmination of those dreams. It was, instead, his worst nightmare come to pass - one of his own creation. He had never deserved her. He never would deserve her, and perhaps, this - the sacrifice of her life - was his penance, for thinking for a single moment, that a woman so filled with good could ever love someone as broken and undeserving as _him_.


End file.
